But I need a good rant.
Sometimes I wonder how I got myself in this messed up cyclone of WHAT THE FUCK. There isn't a whole lot more to it. Honestly, I just kind of feel helpless. I used to have so much control over my life. Over everything. All of a sudden though, life seems to have broke free from its reigns.
All I want is for things to be ok. And every time it finally seems as if they might be, another curve ball is thrown my way. (Sometimes literally, with the start of the softball season).
I'm tired of everybody I love being in pain. I'm tired of the people around suffering every day. I'm tired of the constant reminders of the past - of a time I regret and would rather not relive. I'm tired of my dad acting like I'm being melodramatic. I'm tired of leaving every day with a giant question mark on the end. I'm tired of people being insensitive. I'm tired of all the homework. I'm tired of school. I'm tired of trying to find a prom date. I'm tired of making stupid mistakes. I'm tired of failing pre-calc. I'm tired of forgetting things. I'm tired of remembering things. I'm tired of missing him. I'm tired of eating pizza practically every day because there is NO OTHER FOOD IN OUR HOUSE. I'm tired of my family going out to eat while I'm at dance. I'm tired of my hair being a mess. I'm tired of having to weigh myself every day. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired.
Maybe I am melodramatic, but I don't care. I just want to catch a break. This once. Please? Is that too much to ask. If not me, then Luke. Or Jake. Or Sydnee. Or Lenny. Or Kate. I need somebody to be ok. It doesn't even have to be me.
The glass is half empty today.
